All choked up
My trip to Chicago in 2023: I saw a friend of mine. I’ll call him ‘J’ for the time being.
He was always very happy, very positive, very smart & very healthy. J’s smile lit up the room; he was always fun to be around with when I’d see him.
Before my trip to Chicago in July 2024: I sent J an email in May 2024, asking how he was doing & if he wanted to hang out during my trip. He stated that he had to have a procedure done, of some sort. I didn’t ask what his procedure was exactly.
August 2024: J sadly passed away. I had no idea.
November 30th, 2024: I mentioned my friend J to another friend. I mentioned how J’s laugh was contagious, and how I missed him.
J just randomly popped in my head.
December 1st, 2024: At night, I was browsing through my DVD’s. I popped in the movie, ‘White Noise’ with Michael Keaton. Why I chose that movie? I’ve always enjoyed watching it.
December 2nd, 2024: I got word from my other friend (who also knew J) that J had passed away back in August 2024. She had just found out.
December 2nd: this day, my grandmother was born. She passed in 2018. She was like another Mom to me.
Each & Every December, I tend to feel a whirlwind of emotions. Currently, I feel sad and shocked.
I am reading J’s obituary, and watching J’s memorial video, and I am in complete disbelief. And what my friend told me on how J passed, I think to myself, ‘I cannot believe it. I don’t want to believe it.’
A quote from Robin Williams, which I think is true: “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy..’ And another, quote; which I agree with:
J always seemed happy, but I had no idea he was feeling another way. I wish he would have reached out. But for some people, they choose to not be a burden; they choose to hide their emotions, and they think, ‘everything is going to be ok’.
Then they do the ‘worse case scenario’.
I wish J didn’t do the ‘worse case scenario.’
I think it’s absolutely important to talk to others about your feelings, rather to hide it. Whether it’s with friends or family, or a hotline, or a support group. For some, it’s really helpful to talk to a stranger on the phone, or a therapist in person. Here is a hotline I strongly recommend:
This is another great source. I recommended this hotline to another friend, and I really appreciated him reaching out to me when he needed the help:
Life, sometimes we have good days & sometimes we have bad days:
All I can do now is to think about all the good times I’ve had with J. I will truly miss him.
Sometimes, when someone who I know passes away, I go through these stages. The 5 stages of grief:
Last message, I also agree with:
So please, if anyone out there needs assistance, reach out & call 988. Call a friend. Call a family member. Never EVER think you’re a burden. And remember, it’s ok to reach out, rather to hide what’s going on.